Runaway
by xPockyNoMikox
Summary: Nobody said it would be easy... And there can be no loving without tears. The fear of betrayal vs the promise of love... but which is stronger? HxK


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or the song 'Runaway'. They belong to Togashi-sama and Cher, respectively. So don't sue me.

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Runaway

The rain came down harder, pouring from the sky in torrents. My heart's beating matched its thunderous drumming, but my steps didn't falter. Despite my cloak and scarf, I was soaked; the water had already seeped into my body and thoroughly chilled me. I didn't bother to try to warm myself. I kept running, forcing my weary legs to move on.

The sun was breaking over the horizon now, its light tentatively softening the cold darkness of the night sky. I'd already run for miles, hastening through the unfamiliar territory of the Ningenkai, yet I still wasn't far enough away. There was only so far you could run on an island before the land fell away and you were forced to look back or fall.

The memory still haunted me, the single word echoing through my mind as emerald eyes gazed tentatively down at me.

__

Aishiteru.

I put on an extra burst of speed.

__

Nobody said it would be easy  
Nobody gives you guarantees  
'Cos a heart can always be broken  
And there can be no loving without tears

Why had Kurama said that to me? After all this time, why had he chosen to shatter our friendship, to destroy the peace I'd finally found with the reikai tantei? That one small, terribly significant word had sent the walls I'd spent years constructing crashing down around me, had so decimated my world that there was no hope for repair. Why?

__

Aishiteru.

Love? Iie. Kurama didn't love me. Youko didn't love; they used and abandoned. What Kurama felt was simply lust, physical desire, though I couldn't understand why he would chose me when he could have any creature in all three worlds. Then again, I couldn't understand why he hadn't tried to force me yet; he was a youko, after all, and youko were notorious for their fierce and insatiable appetites. The thrill of the chase, perhaps. I was familiar enough with that.

But some part of me wanted to believe Kurama's words. The warmth in his eyes when I was with him, the gentleness with which he bandaged my wounds after battles, the laughter he saved only for me were things I could not ignore, things some part of me did not want to ignore. Kurama was a youko, yes, but he was also a ningen. And I'd already seen the depth of ningen love.

I'd seen love, but I'd also seen what love could do. Yukina loved me – or, more accurately, she loved the image she had created of me – and her desire to find her brother was tearing her apart. She was good at concealing it, yes, but I'd seen the pain in her eyes when Kurama's stepbrother joined us for a picnic or Shizuru and Kuwabara shared one of their rare compassionate moments.

I loved Yukina – how could I not, when she was the other half of me? – and even that secret bond was a source of pain. She could never love me in return, for I was a killer, a merciless warrior whose life was nothing but a bloody, treacherous dance with death. How could she care for someone like me?

And then there was Kurama. Despite everything, I had to admit that the redheaded half-youko was beautiful. Why such an alluring creature would take notice of me, I can't say. The attraction was there, though; I couldn't deny it any longer. But that didn't mean I loved him.

I shook my head, pushing those thoughts out of my mind. None of it mattered any longer. I was leaving, freeing myself from it all. I let the rain wash those memories away, let it clean my heart of the burden of friendship and family.

At least, I tried to.

__

Runaway to a place where nobody knows  
Runaway gotta let this feeling go  
_Runaway if I can't find love  
I'm gonna runaway_

The rain and thunder continued, a backdrop to the storm raging within me as I made my way to the Makai gateway. Though I tried to stop them, images raced unbidden through my mind, running rampant and tearing at the delicate balance I'd somehow managed to find within myself. Kurama's wide green eyes as he glanced covertly at me, Yukina's sweet smile as she laughed at one of Kuwabara's meaningless jokes, Shiori's warm welcome as Kurama introduced me to her for the first time. The fragrant smell of roses. A flash of gold beneath an emerald gaze. The feel of Kurama's lips on mine as the kitsune held me close, trying to impart his affections through that contact.

"Iie!" I muttered huskily, shoving the images from my mind. I wouldn't make the same mistake as Kurama in allowing my emotions to dull my common sense. I wasn't a ningen.

But, that didn't mean those emotions weren't there.

Even assuming Kurama had been sincere, how could I trust him to remain so? Youko were infamous for their promiscuousness; the kitsune had had countless lovers and one-night-stands in the past, for which he showed no remorse. Just because his appearance had changed didn't mean that his personality had – part of him was still youko, no matter how many times I chastised him for his ningen-like behavior. I had nothing to offer Kurama in exchange for fidelity, and the legendary youko had no reason to remain with me if another, more appealing creature came along. I wasn't going to willingly submit myself to that sort of humiliation. I'd been betrayed more times than I could count – once by Kurama himself – and I wasn't eager to have it happen again.

__

It would only be a matter of time, I told myself. _He'd find some pretty new thing, then disappear. Just like everyone else._

Nobody's looking for perfection  
How could they give it in return?  
But I told my heart to believe you  
And you just gave your love to anyone

But still, something inside me whispered that Kurama wasn't like that. Somewhere inside me, I knew the kitsune was sincere. I'd felt it, tasted it as Kurama's tears fell onto my cheeks. No one had ever cried for me before. I'd had no practice in matters of the heart, but no one could have mistaken the emotions in Kurama's emerald eyes. As a thief, he prided himself on his infallible mask, his ability to deceive, but I could read every emotion, however fleeting, through those eyes. Despite his youko soul, Kurama's heart was ningen, and ningen did not profess their feelings so casually. Kurama had not been lying when he'd promised himself to me forever.

The forest I had been running through suddenly disappeared, giving way to the sloping shoreline of the ocean. I had gone as far as I could. A gateway to the Makai glimmered nearby, the only path forward. I hesitated.

It wasn't Kurama I was running from. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. But something was holding me back, something I couldn't name. What was I so afraid of? Was it the kitsune's feelings? Or was it the fact that, despite the measures I'd taken to prevent it, I returned those feelings?

Love was a weakness. I knew that was true, had seen it proven more times than I cared to count. My life had been devoid of love for as long as I could remember, and though it was not what most would call easy, I had survived. Emotions had contributed nothing to my existence thus far, and I was still alive. One of us would eventually get hurt, and as much as I feared another betrayal, I didn't want it to be Kurama.

But then, wasn't love also a gift? I'd seen the power of Yusuke's love for Keiko – the raven-haired ningen was capable of extraordinary feats when the girl was in danger, as I had witnessed firsthand. And, loath though I was to admit it, Kuwabara made Yukina happy. After years of solitude and suffering in search of her brother, Yukina had finally found a source of joy. If even Kuwabara could please someone so, was it really impossible for me to? Didn't even the Forbidden Child deserve a chance at happiness?

And, more importantly, did Kurama really deserve the pain I had caused him simply because he cared for me?

"Kurama," I murmured into the night, a peal of thunder drowning out my voice.

__

Runaway to a place where nobody knows  
Runaway gotta let this feeling go  
Runaway 'cos I don't want to hurt anymore  
Though my heart is always searching  
If I can't find love  
I'm gonna runaway  
Runaway

The Makai gate flickered behind me as I began running again, this time the way I had come. I didn't completely understand my decision, but I didn't need to right now. Deep inside, I knew that it was the right one. There would be time to sort my thoughts out later.

I only hoped Kurama could forgive me.

__

'Cos a heart can always be broken  
And there can be no loving without tears  
Runaway to a place where nobody  
Runaway gotta let this feeling go  
Runaway and I don't want to hurt anymore  
Though my heart is always searching  
If I can't find love  
I'm gonna runaway  
Runaway

~owari~

A/N: That wasn't too bad, was it? Not excessively cliché? _Every_ fic in the world about those two has the Forbidden Child conflict in them, which is why I didn't include it in mine. I wanted it to be a somewhat original perspective… I'm not sure how well it came out. Hopefully pretty well? Ne?


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